Common Hour Recap: 9 Steps to Crush Your Inner Critic and Live More Confidently

Wow!  This afternoon’s virtual Common Hour was seriously amazing.  Amazing women.  Amazing energy.  Amazing, real talk.  We hosted an interactive workshop with Catia Hernandez Holm, and centered the discussion around ways to crush your inner critic and live more confidently.  

After some brief introductions and get-to-know-you chat, we dove right into the 9 steps we can all take to start living more positively, more authentically, more abundantly, and more confidently.

Step 1: Feed your mind positive thoughts.  Did you know that we really can cultivate our brain?  We can reshape and redirect thoughts in such a way that we can actually start thinking differently.  But before we can let those positive thoughts in, we’ve got to work on getting rid of the negative “chatter.”  When you begin to hear the negative self talk, vocalize it--literally say it out loud.  It won’t take long for you to recognize how ridiculously mean you’re being to yourself.  Then, repeat positive affirmations to take their place.  I am powerful and I am loved.  I am powerful and I am loving.  I am powerful and I love it.  Say this 3 times a day, 25 times each...your brain will catch on!

Step 2: Let yourself be fully seen.  This one seems simple, but it sometimes takes conscious effort to show up as your authentic self without fear of how you’ll “look” to others.  Be you.  Do you.  No apologies.

Step 3: Start a gratitude practice.  Everyday.  Every.  Single.  Day.  Write down 5 things, large or small, that bring you joy.  The more you practice gratitude, the more life will reward you.

Step 4: Drop out of the race.  Don’t compete with others, or yourself.  Competition is an illusion we create, and once we realize that, insecurity seems arbitrary.  

Step 5: Identify your voice and start using it.  The next time you’re asked the question, “where do you wanna go eat?,” answer it, dammit!  You are not selfish, or inconvenient, or high maintenance for having an opinion.  How to ID your voice?  Take some time to listen to your gut; check in with your mind, body, and spirit.  Your voice is there..and ready to talk.

Step 6: Honor yourself by making decisions you are proud of.  This step is closely related to step 5.  Once you’ve found your voice, and the power to use it, your capacity to make decisions that are good for you is exponential.

Step 7: Challenge yourself daily.  Even if you take a small leap, you’re building your confidence.  Then when you’re faced with a big, scary leap, you’re ready for it!

Step 8: Pain is a teacher.  This is not a reiteration of the age old “everything happens for a reason” adage.  Pain is real, and the unhappy truth is that at some point in our lives we’ll experience a scalding pain.  When that happens, when you are experiencing a deep pain, feel the pain and accept it.  Then consider how it has transformed you.  It will transform you, but you decide the form the transformation takes.

Step 9: Rise strong and begin again.  Last but not least, this step to confidence is inspired by Brene Brown’s concept of “daring greatly.”  When you fail--again, not to be a Debbie Downer but we all fail--what is the story you will tell yourself?  Will it be the story of how you weren’t worthy, or the story of resilience and ultimate success?  Here’s the good news--you are in control of the story.  

These steps are simple, and some can even sound a little trite.  But these steps are also incredibly powerful.  Apply these concepts to your daily lives for one month, then check back in with yourself and see how confident you feel.  Once you’ve reached that place of authentic confidence, you’ll start living your life from a place of worth, rather than for a place of worth.  This is the kindest thing we can do for ourselves.